My BFF and a Muslim

I do not know these people, but I took this photo of them.

Once I went on a short vacation-trip with my family up to some barren cabin on a lake owned by their friends.

1. I hate nature.
2. I hate the outdoors.
3. Going to a cabin sounded awful, but I bit the bullet and decided not to be a sourpuss and went on the vacation.

I went canoeing by myself because that is one thing I like about the outdoors. Actually I like kayaking better than canoeing because I suppose canoes are more for groups of people, or at least a couple. *Note to self that canoe = excellent date op. ((Actually, my hurdles coach in high school told the hurdlers that his first date with his wife was on a canoe. He said it was horrible because all she did was make him row and she just sat in the canoe thinking it was great.))

After canoeing, I decided to do my calculus homework (outside so that I could capitalize on the “beauty of nature”) and also read some books about doctors. Then I ate and went to bed.

I couldn’t go to bed because I felt like I would stop breathing. This really bothered me, but everyone was asleep, and I didn’t feel comfortable waking up my mom or stepdad/I didn’t know where they were sleeping and I didn’t want to creep around the cabin and accidentally see a couple getting freaky (because we were at the cabin with their friends). So I texted two friends.

My bff was rather nonchalant. He said his brother suffered from a similar condition, and that I should get it checked out. That is all. I was expecting more from him because I could have died that night, but I guess he’s just real cool in life-or-death situations.

My Muslim friend was more sympathetic. I do not know why I texted her because we aren’t really that close. She was more motherly than my bff, though.

What does it mean that I texted these two friends when I thought I was going to die? That I texted instead of called? That I specifically chose them? C’est la vie.

For the record, I didn’t think I was going to die, but I did want to tell someone what I was experiencing. I didn’t think it warranted waking someone up just to tell them what I was experiencing. But then what if I did think I was going to die? Would I still wake someone up with a phone call telling them, “Hey, I think I might die?” I told my mom in the morning, and various reports indicate that she watched me at night and hovered her hand over my mouth to ensure that I was breathing as I slept.

Nature is Ugly

I am not much of an outdoors man. I very much prefer the confines of urban life: The asphalt paths majestically paving through towers of glass and metal, the littered walls of apartments that convey and capture the attitude and personality of its inhabitants, the idea of feng shui operating almost as if to connect the aesthetic beauty of the outdoors (of which I will never deny) to the secluded barriers of living spaces. I scoff when people place nature on a pedestal levels higher than the indoors. I will secede certain victories to nature, but I will never fully succumb to it. Sometimes I just really love being inside.

For as much as I have shared on how impartial I am to nature, let me suggest something beautiful: That nature isn’t as beautiful as it can be. In the Christian tradition, suppose that the Fall of Man has scarred life ever since. This means that nature is scarred. This means that the nature that we believe to be beautiful is scarred. This means that nature, before her scarring, was perfectly beautiful.

So, if you are unlike me and are passionate for nature, do you cherish the thought that nature can be more beautiful than it is? One day, it will be, and yet, even in that day, we’ll be attracted to something much more beautiful.

Image from sigourney destyni through Tumblr